Woggy #22: Driver's License

Since it's been a while since I've posted any of my "big" woggies, today I thought I'd bring up this trusty old gem. It's possible that even many people who know me well do not actually know that, despite my ripe adulthood, I still do not, nor have I ever had, a driver's license.

The reasons for me not having gotten this at the usual age are tedious and involve family dysfunction, but suffice it to say I never got further than studying for my permit and taking a rules-of-the-road class at school at that age.

Throughout college not only did I not have any access to any cars, but I also had no real need for a car, since in both college and grad school I lived in cities with excellent public transit, and never found myself at a loss in this department.

After school, living in the car-centric California, I finally decided to get a license, and got my permit. My boyfriend started teaching me, and I was very psyched about my new driving skills, which would no doubt be officialized any day soon. But, be it a result of time limitations, strange teaching techniques, or a general lack of aptitude on my part, we spent the better part of a year strolling around on local neighborhood streets before either of us thought it time for me to actually take the test. This was also largely brought on by an impending necessity for me to be able to share the driving for our looming long-distance trip north to Washington state.

I arrived at my first test day full of confidence and optimism, and could barely wait for my first licensed drive later that day. However, my personal assessment of driving skills turned out to be just a bit overrated (in other words, I failed miserably...) I was disappointed to be sure, but after a few hours I put it all in perspective. Just needed to brush up a bit more, and doesn't everyone fail their test the first time around? California is supposed to have the toughest test in the nation, after all.

With our trip plans moving ever closer, and our boxes beginning to be packed, we scheduled the next appointment we were able to get, which happened to be at a completely different office halfway across town, whose neighborhood I was completely unfamiliar with.

Compared with my first hopeful test experience, the second time around turned out to be much more traumatic and miserable than my first. Things started out hopefully enough, as I was sticking to my "oh, everyone fails their first time" mantra. Being a different and unfamiliar DMV office, I showed up plenty of time early, and got in line to have the needed paperwork processed before my drive test. This ran me into another completely unexpected problem, where I was absurdly told that my non-driver's ID, which had been issued in California, in the same county, just 2 years prior and still completely valid as a form of legal ID, was not sufficient identification for me to get my permanent license.

The bottom line of this bizarre administrivia would be that even if I did pass this test that I was about to take, that it would completely impossible for me to get an official California license until I provided them with my original birth certificate. Having only recently gotten out of school, this document was buried among boxes somewhere back in Pennsylvania, curated by my slow-moving and uncooperative parents, who would surely never get me the paperwork I needed anywhere near the time we were to be leaving the state.

Thus defeated and crushed of all hope by the paperwork Man, I numbly shuffled on to the driving test area, where I was immediately greeted by a gruff and unpleasant man who immediately began berating me for how late I was for our appointment. Arguments of how it was his department's slowness of movement that was responsible for my delay fell on deaf ears. So, things were obviously looking up.

Needless to say, as I pulled into my final parallel spot, my boyfriend jumping into the seat next to me to congratulate me on what he assumed would be my final victory, I broke down in tears and didn't even have the wherewithal to drive us back home. Since this appointment and attempt itself was already an eleventh-hour effort before our move out of town, needless to say I never walked back into a California DMV office again.

Once we settled in to our new urban home, I found little need to drive again, as almost everything I needed was within walking or bus range, and what wasn't could be handled by my boyfriend on the weekends. Once I finally regained possession of all my own legal documents again, I started to entertain the idea of trying to get a license again. I analyzed the situation thoroughly. I was maybe too absentminded a person to know how to drive, my boyfriend maybe an incompetent teacher, or maybe I was the most difficult student in the world? In any case I assumed that this time, I had best get professional help.

I spent some time looking into local driving instruction, but in the end I just sidled up for a new non-driver's ID card and gave up the fight. That was a few years ago now.

As the time has passed, I've realized that I do actually want a driver's license, and I don't have to let myself be defeated by such crushing past failures. I've even found an uplifting kinship with my similarly positioned Spongebob Squarepants, who as those of you who follow his adventures may know, seems locked in a perpetual inability to pass driver's tests, even though he has thoroughly learned how to actually drive. Like my spongey friend, I too hold hope that someday soon I will walk out of that office with a fabulous shiny license that will set me free on the streets and environs of Seattle, vehicle firmly under my capable hands. Like Mr. Squarepants, I may not actually know how this is going to happen, but a girl can certainly dream...

Things Left to Complete This Woggy Project:

• research local driver's instruction offices
  
• study for driver's permit test
• schedule & pass written permit test
• call & schedule driving lessons
• take driving lessons until they say I'm ready
• Schedule and take driver's test
• (repeat any of the above as many times as necessary)
• pass test
• complete paperwork and receive license
• take my first solo drive!